Christopher Titus saved my life.
I graduated from high school in 2000. Right around that same time Titus appeared on Fox. I was instantly hooked. The show was funny and dealt with some deep dark emotional issues. It was the realist thing I could come to a comedy. In 2002 it ended up saving my life and to this day has abated any thoughts of suicide.
I was in the Navy at the time. I don't remember my exact reason for being in the lounge at our barracks, but I was having a pretty shitty day. I remember thinking, "Maybe I should just kill myself." That's when I found Titus on the TV I was flipping through in the lounge. The episode was, "Errrr." The premise of the episode was Titus catching his niece trying to commit suicide. He stops her and sits down for a chat about the time he tried to kill himself. The episode was hilarious and at the end of it I realized, how ridiculous the idea was.
I wanted to share this, because I recently had someone IM me about leaving work. They were concerned that I left agitated. I responded that I had a lot on my mind recently and I was working through it. They responded with encouraging words and let me know I could call a suicide hotline. I responded with a clip of the episode from YouTube. Suicide is not something that has crossed my mind, but I know it has crossed the minds of others.
Our industry is tough. We have a lot today and a lot of push back from people inside our organization. I'm blessed that the push back is minimal from my organization. We have our frustrations. Overall I realize I'm in a good situation. I have my good days and my bad days. I struggle to meet internal expectations.
I should drink less. I stay up to late. I should play video games less. I should spend more time with the kids and my wife. I should get this certification. I should blog more. I need to get another guest for the podcast. I need to edit these three podcasts. I should spend more time at work getting all this work done. I should. I should. I should.
I still struggle with internal expectations. I fail constantly. I go to bed too late. I don't spend enough time with the wife and kids. It's gotten better moving to Tennessee. I take them with me to some of the conferences I attend. Still I'm not with them. I'm attending the conference. I'm working late. I'm hitting the gym, because I need to relieve some stress and I want to show them the good habit of working out.
I'm still trying to figure it out. I mention this because I think a lot of us are. I've had conversation with people about alcohol after my alcohol posts. I think they're some of my most liked content on the site. I think that with social media we see a lot of the wins in people's lives. Not a lot of their loses. I'm hoping this post can change that. For all my success: the podcast; speaking engagements; a great job. I can show that we don't always have it together. Even the best of us still frown. Even the best of struggle and just try to make i through the day. It's okay.
After tomorrow is a new day. A new opportunity to do something great or learn from a failure.